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England and Wales High Court (Family Division) Decisions |
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You are here: BAILII >> Databases >> England and Wales High Court (Family Division) Decisions >> ML & Anor v RW & Anor [2011] EWHC 2455 (Fam) (29 July 2011) URL: http://www.bailii.org/ew/cases/EWHC/Fam/2011/2455.html Cite as: [2011] EWHC 2455 (Fam) |
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B e f o r e :
(In Private)
____________________
(1) M L | ||
(2) A R | Applicants | |
- and - | ||
(1) R W | ||
(2) S W | Respondents |
____________________
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MISS L. CADE-DAVIES appeared on behalf of the Respondents.
MISS M. JONES appeared on behalf of the Guardian.
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Crown Copyright ©
MR. JUSTICE HEDLEY:
"I then went upstairs to see P and talk to her about the visit and how she felt about it. I was deeply saddened by what I heard from her, which confirmed for me the way in this almost ten year old girl is being made to carry the responsibility for the failure of the adults in this system to overcome the conflicts between them.
P told me that she wished she could move away, far away from all this conflict, all this horrible stuff. She told me that she cries at school in the toilets and her friend looks after when she is upset, which is a lot. P said that she does not feel as if M is a father to her. She has two mothers. That is her family and she is happy with that. She liked M and A and likes seeing them too, but she did not think of them as her family because she has family. It is the mothers and her younger sister. She cannot just pretend that M is her father in order to make him happy.
She said that in the past it was okay, they saw M and A and that was fine, and she might even like seeing them now if they stopped being so horrible to her and making her feel as if they were ruining her family all the time. She wished for the time past when the mothers quite liked M and A, and M and A did not do all those horrible court things that make everyone so miserable. She does not know why they cannot just sort it out and let her be a normal ten year old child.
I felt, as she spoke me, the horrendous tangle of emotion and conflict that exists between these adults and saw the reality of the way in which their agreement to have P has resulted in such misery for her. The misery is not because of the way in which she was created, it is because these adults and their failure to manage their own conflicting feelings, reactions and personal baggage have handed over the responsibility for coping with the mess to P. I have no doubt that this responsibility will also be handed on to L if there is not a resolution soon."
"The hearing listed on 25 and 26 July shall go ahead and will be listed before Hedley J. The hearing is for the purpose of determining such facts as are necessary to assist the court in determining what paternal role the applicants have played and should play in the future. The intention is that the applicants and the first and second respondents will give oral evidence but no witnesses will be called for cross-examination."
So last Monday constituted my first meeting with this case.
"Somewhere over the rainbow we know that there is a gay man or couple who would like to start with a lesbian couple who are fun-loving, have a good sense of humour, are very attractive and financially secure. If you want to make our dream come true please contact us. We are early 30s, London area …"
and then a post box is provided.
"Somewhere over the rainbow are Adam and I. We have been together for many years and we have decided that we would love to be father and step-father. Like yourselves we are fairly secure. I am a fairly senior manager working at the head office of a major retail company based in Central London. My partner works for a restaurant chain as a manager.
We currently live in Southampton, as it is only one and a quarter hours from London by train and we love our home. However, we are considering either moving back to London or establishing a second home there."
Then it goes on with some information about themselves.
"We have been together for almost 14 years, we met at university, and have been thinking of having a child for most of that time. It is now that we feel the time is right and we have thought long and hard about it. We would definitely want involvement from the father and step-father."
Then further down:
"It would be the first respondent who would have the child and the second respondent would be the co-parent. We would require the donor to have an HIV test because of the obvious health risks and a sperm test. Both of us have had health checks and been given the all clear."
"The first applicant would be the father and the second applicant the step-father. The second applicant has been HIV checked and given all clear, and the first applicant is willing to have any health checks you require. Having only ever practised safer sex we are confident of an all clear also. We have always been in good health, though slightly lacking in fitness. Neither of us smokes and the first applicant never has."
A little further down:
"We very much look forward to meeting you and feel at this stage the most important things are to see if we all like each other and enjoy each other's company. To further clarify our expectations about the level of involvement and to see if our view on some of the major issues are sufficiently close that we are unlikely to find ourselves with fundamentally different expectations."
That was a prescient observation because it lies at the very heart of all the problems that have flowed in this case.